I’m Not Ready… And That’s Okay…

IMG_4248I have some people ask me if I’m ready to move on. And to them by moving on they mean dating. As if the only way to move on with my life is by being with someone else. Have you ever faced this? Faced this question after the loss of a relationship? I don’t know about you, but I try to avoid this question as much as possible. It’s tiring to me trying to explain where I am in my “moving on” preparedness. Well I was talking with God last night (early this morning really as I couldn’t sleep) and I came across these thoughts as I cried, literally cried out to Him. I share them in hopes that maybe it can help someone put words to their feelings.
I first had to admit the pain was deep still and more than I could handle on my own. I had to be okay with asking for help. If that’s you today please go to God for help. Then go to someone you trust as well. Grief does not have to be done alone. In fact it shouldn’t. From there I realized that for the first time I’m open to there being a somebody in my life someday. Really open to it. Not trying to force it because I or others think I need to “move on.” That’s key there. Don’t try to force yourself to be ready. It won’t work. I’ve been on 3 dates since becoming single and all three times my ex popped in my head. I wasn’t ready. I thought I needed to be by now and I was lonely. Not good reasons to date. In fact dating while lonely is a bad combination. It’s like going to the store while hungry. You will pick up any and everything you see. (Not saying anything bad about the guy I had the dates with.) Instead learning how not to be lonely by yourself is key first. Then start thinking about dating.
I’m open to allowing someone in again. But I’m not ready and that’s okay. Before dating we have to make sure we are willing to let that person in. Into our hopes, dreams, hurts, past, present, and future. All of us! Otherwise it won’t work and we’ve just added pain on top of pain.
I’m open to trusting someone again. But I’m not ready and that’s okay. Trust after being hurt is huge! It’s not easy to do. We first have to take time to trust ourselves. Then we can begin to trust our motives for dating and who we choose. Once we have taken the time to get healthy mentally we can trust our choices more. That leads to us being able to trust those we allow in our lives.
I’m open to being attracted to someone again. But I’m not ready and that’s okay. Until You can close your eyes and not see your ex trying to be attracted to someone else is hard to do. And that’s not fair to do to another person.
I’m open to giving my efforts and energy to someone again on a very personal level. But I’m not ready and that’s okay. Being with someone takes a lot of commitment, time, energy, and effort. Don’t date until you have restored your inner tanks fully. You can’t give from an empty vessel. Take all the time you need to be ready in this way. It’s vital to a successful relationship.
I’m open to loving again. But I’m not ready and that’s okay. Loving someone is a big deal. Especially when we love deeply and with all that we are. Love is a choice we make daily. And it’s a choice my heart just isn’t ready for. Be sure yours is before you offer it to another.
I ended my conversation with God saying “Right here right and now, I guess me being open to it someday is enough. God you know that is a big step forward for me.”
So if you have been hurt by the ending of a relationship. You were or felt like you were rejected. If you hurt in ways that are too difficult to explain. That’s normal. It’s part of the process. Just don’t try to rush your way out of it. Allow yourself to go through it and be healed completely in the process. It takes time. It’s suppose to. You aren’t in a relationship because you don’t love the other or care about the other. So don’t be so hard on yourself when you can’t just turn it off. I’m learning to show myself some grace. I hope you do the same for yourself. It’s okay to feel how you feel. Own it so it doesn’t own you! Now when someone asks me if I’ve moved on, and I know they mean dating. I can look at them with all sincerity and say “Well as far as dating goes, no. But I am now at least open to the possibility. And for now that’s enough.”
No matter where you are today. Whether you are not even ready to think about someone new, just beginning to be open to the possibility, or really ready and are just waiting for God to bring that right someone into your life. God is waiting to help you mend. Ready to heal. Ready to restore. Ready to help you wait on His timing for meeting that someone. (That can be as hard as becoming ready again.) Go to Him and let Him do what He does best. Love you. That’s the love I know I need the most right now. How about you? ❤

2 thoughts on “I’m Not Ready… And That’s Okay…

  1. I really like the “I am open… but open doesn’t mean ready”. I think society can not differentiate between the two. I am open to having children, I am not ready! Lol. In due time sweet girl. You are so not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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