Is It Truly Better To Have Loved And Lost???

IMG_5097.JPGIs it better to have loved and lost or never have loved at all? That’s a tough question to answer. I guess it depends on the person answering it. Let’s look at it from a different perspective, but one that can still help us see the two very clear choices we have. Let’s look at it from having to go home from a vacation. As I just had to do this and make this choice myself.
You see when we are on vacation life is just better isn’t it? Not that you don’t have issues that come up here and there (the longer the trip the more issues you’ll have of course) but they don’t get to you as much because you’re on vacation. You get new experiences in a new setting. Maybe it’s tropical and sunny and warm and you are just transformed by the way the warmth makes you feel. We get to eat at restaurants we wouldn’t normally get to. Sleep in a little longer than we normally we get to. Read that book we’ve been meaning to get to for 6 months now. And so on. You get my point. Vacations are awesome! But eventually they end. And we have to pack up and go home. We are all too familiar with this feeling. The feeling of “ugh I have to go back to reality” that we all dread. But does it really have to be that way? There are two different ways we can look at a vacation ending. One will make us sad and the other make us glad. Let’s look at the two shall we.
The first one is the obvious “ugh” scenario. We have all been there. Sighing and whining that we have to go back. Back to our lives as they were before our amazing vacation. Back to the grind as we call it. Laundry, cooking, dishes, work, all our daily responsibilities. In fact if we are honest we start worrying about that before we even leave vacation. I know I’m not the only one guilty of “counting down” till I have to go back. So what’s my point? My point here is this. I am ruining the blessing God gave me by worrying or looking at it through the wrong perspective. God didn’t bless me with a vacation to make me dread my life more. He blessed me with time to get away, recharge, regroup. When I waste time dreading what awaits me when I return, I waste the time God gave me to take a small break from it all. I’m not using the gifts I’m given properly. I’m allowing what lies ahead of me (when I have to go home) ruin what is before me now(my vacation) Or even the memories from the vacation that are behind me be ruined by what I think lies ahead of me (work, life). It destroys the good times and memories made during our vacation time. It taints the experience for us.
Then there is the second option. This is the option I prayed on the last day of my vacation to Florida just yesterday. We can choose to let the experience change how we move forward. We can allow it to become a part of who we are but in the best way possible. Instead of dreading it had to end or it’s over, we decide to live happier because it happened. What do I mean? Well I prayed specifically to take these memories made and make them a part of who I am and my daily life. To be able to look back on this experience or that experience and smile because they happened. To remember the joy I felt on that roller coaster as I screamed my head off going down that huge drop! To remember that whenever I feel as if my life is boring or nothing good ever happens. To remember the pride I felt when I stood in front of a bird that was in the wide open. (My fear of birds is legit). But I was able to overcome it, at least in the moment, and enjoy their absolute beauty. I prayed to remember this when I feel I can’t accomplish something. To remember the fun of driving the 3 go cart tracks! Speeding around each corner without a care in the world. Laughing harder with each turn. To remember this when I start to take life or myself too serious. I prayed remember this time not from an it’s over perspective. But from a I’m so glad it happened perspective. One allows me to be truly grateful, the other does not. One allows me to show God the gratitude He deserves, the other does not. We will always fall into one of these two categories. The “but now it’s over” or the “I’m so glad it happened” category. The same can be applied to the love and lost question.
Now there’s no doubt that losing a love is harder than leaving a vacation. I am in no way comparing the degree of loss between the two. But I am saying we can learn to look at this question the same way. Yes when a relationship ends we are left going back to “life as it was” so to speak. Only now there’s less cooking to be done, less dishes, less laundry, as we go back to a life of one. (Unless you have kids.) But a life of less all the same. This can lead us to looking back on our time with that person in a negative light. Pain has a way of tainting and distorting our view. Not to say there wasn’t bad in there. Most of the time a relationship that ends, had its share of bad. But maybe in your case it was death of a loved one that has left you without them. And it wasn’t a decision either of you got to make, or would have made. Either way pain has a way of altering how we view our past, present, and future. Sometimes making us wish we had never met that person or given our hearts, time, effort to them only to have them leave. Making us wish we had never had the experience at all.
Or we can take experiences from our time with that person and take them with us. Allowing them to help us grow as a person. Remembering times of feeling such love in our hearts. Remembering the good times that meant so much to us. Remembering the times that we wish would have never ended. Even if they did. But why would I do this? Well it’s the same answer as I gave above in the vacation example. “To remember this time not from an it’s over perspective, but from a I’m so glad it happened perspective. One allows me to be truly grateful, the other does not. One allows me to show God the gratitude He deserves, the other does not.” All experiences in life hold blessings from God. They are sent to us for a reason. Even if they are sent for only a season. When I only focus on something being gone, and not what it meant to me, I’m undoing the blessing God gave to me at the time.
Losing love is hard. It sucks. It hurts in ways we never thought was possible. It’s going to hurt no matter which perspective we choose. But one allows us to move on and heal from the hurt. To learn something along the way too. Every relationship and hurt can be a learning experience if we can get out of our own way and allow it to be. So if you’re hurting today, mourning something that is over. I challenge you to at least try and look at your loss from a “I’m glad it happened” perspective. I’m glad I got to experience these feelings with this person. Then look for what can be learned from it all. Take the good from the past with you. And leaving the bad behind you. Choosing to remember the warmth you felt in some of your experiences with this person. And and not the cold that is felt after it’s over. God is waiting to help you do that. I have to ask for His help daily to not get lost in the sadness. To be able to smile over what was instead of cry. And no I don’t smile over it everyday. There are days I cry. And cry hard. But as long as we continue to put these emotions in Gods hands, He will make it easier for us to smile. To be thankful for experiences. To be glad it happened. To finally be able to say, it is better to love. Even if at times that means loss. And God understands love and loss. He did send His only Son to die for you and for me. Let God help you today. Let Him love you even amidst your tears of loss. Then He can help you smile again!!! ❤

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