Everything I Once Held Dear…

IMG_5239“Everything I once held dear I count it all as loss.” As I sang this line with the youth group the other night, it finely hit me what it means. I’ve sang it so many times in church, my car, my shower. But never really let it sink in. Last night was different though.
I’ve held a couple of things so dear to me, that I allowed them to drive my life, my emotions, my decisions. And that led to some serious destruction. So now I’m learning how to let them go. To realize that even if I get them, I’m still loosing, if I go about it in anyway I’m not meant to. If they aren’t what’s really meant for me through Gods will. I wish I could say this is easy to do. One of the hardest things I’ll ever do is let go of dreams that have passed. But I’m learning to hope for new ones, maybe even the ones I let go of, just much later than I’d hoped. Truth is none of us have a clue what’s in our path. That’s where 2 Corinthians 5:7 comes into play, “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Meaning we do life one step at a time without knowing where we are going, but trusting God with the destination. Am I writing this to tell you how easy that is? Heck no! It’s hard! But it’s something we must get better at doing in order to be able to enjoy this life. The journey makes up a lot of our life. So if we are only going to be okay once we hit our destination, we will spend a lot of our life not being okay. Not to mention if it’s a place we never planned on being. I am an almost 42 year old woman who has never married and has no kids. All I’ve ever truly wanted to be since around 15 or 16 years old, is a mom and wife. Not at that age, but it’s always been a desire of mine since then. But here I am, standing on a road I didn’t plan. Not sure of where it’s going at all. But I’m learning to let go of dreams on this journey of living my best life. Not let them go to say that they will never happen. But let them go to lay them down at Gods feet. To allow Him to do with them as He sees fit. Again I’m not saying to you that this is easy for me, so it should be for you. But difficult to do is not the same as impossible. So how am I going abut letting go of dreams that haven’t come to pass yet. How can you do the same?
I will share what is helping me in hopes that it will help you too. First, I cried a lot. I allowed myself time to mourn what’s lost. Lost doesn’t have to mean you had it and lost it, like in a divorce as an example. It can also mean something that’s never been found. I’ve never found marriage and having children, so I mourn what’s lost. Allowing ourselves time to cry without feeling weak or shame, I believe is imperative. It’s cleansing. And biblical too as there are verses on people crying out to God and He answered. And of God catching our tears and counting them. (Google it 😊) So the first thing I had to do was allow myself to cry. Cry out to God with my pain. If you haven’t done this yet and need to, I implore you to do so. Moving on to step two is very difficult without this step.
Second, after a lot of crying, and even still crying, I prayed. I pray a lot. I do this daily, multiple times a day. And not bedtime prayers or eating prayers, though I believe those are important. I mean real, vulnerable, this is me, prayers. I took all my pain to God through first thanking Him for my blessings, and then asking for His help with my hurt, anger, and enormous feelings of loss. Holding nothing back I opened my heart and life up to God. One of my favorite things to pray is to ask for protection from my limited view. Again that walking by faith and not by sight comes into play. Go to God in prayer and get honest with Him. Tell Him all you thank Him for first. For we always have blessings in our life too. Then ask Him to help you with whatever it is you need help with.
Third thing is reading the Bible. Do this along with step 2. I know it’s difficult at times. Not knowing where to start. I started by Googling verses. I’d type in, “Bible verses for loneliness ” or “Bible verses for anxiety.” Whatever I was facing most at the moment. Then after a little of that, I began reading my actual Bible. I suggest starting in the Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. That’s where you get to see the story of Jesus and how the cross changed your life forever. And don’t be afraid to ask someone for help on where to read either. Eventually I got to where I prayed on where to read next. But that took time to get to. Baby steps! Reading Gods word, however you do it, is vital to living your best life. There are promises from God you need to know are in there. Otherwise how can you walk by faith? Without knowing His word, how can you put your faith in Him? And our faith will always go somewhere or to someone. Mine went to myself and man way too often. Now I’m helping to change that with daily reading of just 10 minutes a day. If you don’t know this verse already go look up Jeremiah 29:11. It’s my life verse. Well one of them anyway. Meditate on it daily. That’s just one verse to help you get stared. Okay here’s one more. Ephesians 3:20 “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”
God can do so much more than we ever could dream of doing in our lives. And yes that might mean I never marry, or you never get something you’ve been hoping for. And as much as that can hurt, if it’s leading to a life far better than we could ever do on our own, isn’t it worth it? That’s a tough question I know. One I still cry over sometimes. One I pray and read over daily.
I hope this has helped you in some way. To help you see that you’re not alone in your struggle. And that there is hope beyond what you can see right in front of you at this moment. Just know the hurting are always in my prayers. So if you’re reading this and hurting for any reason, you have been covered in prayer by me today. I may not know you by name or situation. But you can bet God does. ❤

 

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