You Don’t Have To Be Broken Anymore…

6C234885-328F-4EA6-9DC6-798F8BFA0614.jpeg“How I wish we could go back to simpler times, before all our secrets and all our scars were in the light…” This is a line from one of my all time favorite songs. It’s titled “Broken” by Casting Crowns. In this song it talks about how the only way for a relationship to last is the two in it being broken together. Bringing all their faults out and allowing them to bring them closer together instead of tearing them apart. Can this be done? Can two people lay all their junk on the table and survive?
There is no doubt that love and relationships are tough. Even under the best of circumstances, two people trying to do life together everyday is not easy. Two different personalities trying to live a life as one. And we know that life rarely stays under the best of circumstances. Even before we meet that special someone, life takes its tole on us. It creates in us scars, fears, insecurities, trust issues, and more. But we of course don’t show that in the beginning. But eventually all our issues come to light. One at a time, our “flaws” begin to show. Then all of a sudden that pedestal our partner had us on, gets ripped right from under us, leading to us falling hard. Is there a different way? A better way of going about love? After a few failed attempts at love myself, I’m on a journey to find one.
One of the biggest obstacles in relationships I believe is our expectations. We put the responsibility of someone else to do what we should do for ourselves, make us happy. To heal us of our hurts. To make us feel valued, to give us our worth. When truth is, that person we are with, usually can’t do that for themselves, much less us. First thing we need to do, to ensure a successful relationship, is go into it as our best selves. But how? I’ll get to that in a bit.
Second thing I believe that makes relationships so hard is us wanting to come off different than we really are. Not to be dishonest. Not to trap anyone. But because we are so sure that no one could love us as we are. After all, even we struggle to sometimes. So we push down those insecurities in the beginning. Acting as if we are these perfectly put together people. No hurts, no hang ups, no imperfections. And as we all know we can’t keep that up forever. Eventually something is done or said and bam, out come all those issues we tried so hard to hide. So again going into the relationship as our best selves is vital here. But how? I promise that is coming.
The third thing I believe to be so detrimental to relationships is this. We tend to rush into one too quickly or before we are truly ready for one. Most of us do this I believe because we don’t like to be alone. Society tells us that if we are single or unattached we aren’t worthy. We aren’t good enough. And we can be shunned as single people. Just look at coupons (I did this the other day and almost wrote an entry on how even coupons are out to get us single people.) 😏 They are almost always buy one meal get one free. Or something of that nature. I kid you not, out of 10 coupons I looked at, 8 of them were no good to me as a person of one going to their establishment. I mean I like to eat cheaper too! Then there’s the family pressure to find that someone special. That speaks for itself. No explanation from me needed. And then there is us. Already feeling the void of not having that someone in our life. Add to it the social and family pressures. It’s easy to see why we think just us is not enough. So in order to fill that void and shut others up we go into a relationship that’s not right. Or stay in one way too long after it’s gone wrong. So how can we fix this while single? Or how can we see this while in a bad unhealthy relationship? Well that answer is the same answer for the other two as well. It’s God. It’s Jesus!
I know before you even say it, “Ugh! Is God the only answer these people ever have?” My answer, yes! Because I have learned through much heartache and mistakes, that He is the only answer I or you will ever need. Let’s take them in order shall we?
Want to not look to someone else to fulfill you, make you happy, help you feel worthy. Releasing them of any and all expectations of doing that for you? Go to God! He created you. He knows exactly what you need to hear and know in order to feel fulfilled in yourself and in Him. Taking time to talk to Him, giving to Him all your insecurities and doubts. Walking in faith with Him, allowing yourself to become the best healthiest version of yourself. Then you can be ready to share that with someone.
Want to not have to worry about hiding all those insecurities and bad habits they have made you take on? Want to be able to just be yourself from day one in a relationship and not worried about what the other might think? Go to God! The best way I have learned to release insecurities is to first deal with them. Crazy huh? I have had to go on a journey of forgiving myself for certain sins. These sins made me feel worthless. As well as other factors in my life. But once I finally let in all that I mean to God, the full forgiveness found at the cross, I could begin to heal. Being true with ourselves and then with God about what makes us feel insecure is vital. Only then can He help us deal with them in a healthy manner. Then we can be our true selves from day one! As our joyful, healthy, God assured selves. (Notice I didn’t say self assured. That’s because we can’t do this by ourselves.)
Want to stop jumping from relationship to relationship looking for fulfillment that will never come? Go to God! Allow Him to fill you with all the love you deserve. Let Him in! Stop fighting Him! He is enough! Once we can finally stop looking in all the wrong places for love, worthiness, acceptance, we can truly begin to find that all in God. Then once we know where our joy, worth, and love source, comes from. We can stop putting that pressure on another human being. They aren’t God. They aren’t capable of doing any of that for us. So going into a relationship moving forward let’s make sure we are going in with realistic expectations, standing firm and assured who we are in Christ, and only when our hearts are truly ready to love. All of that my friend I promise you is found in God.
Please note that I don’t mean we can’t be real and raw in our relationships. We will never be perfect no matter how much we Go to God. There will be bad days. So yes finding someone we can breakdown with is vital too. But what I am saying is the way to having the best relationship possible is putting God first. First in your life now as a single person, then first in the relationship He brings you when the time comes. Two self assured people in Christ, will always be the best chances a relationship has to be successful. ❤️

2 thoughts on “You Don’t Have To Be Broken Anymore…

  1. I agree whole-heartedly. Recently, I was reminded that the only One who can offer me security, make me feel complete, truly cherish me the way I deserve is God. A partner is there to compliment this relationship, not replace it. Loved your post. Thank you. Many Blessings to you.

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