What kind of love do I want???
It seems silly to ask doesn’t it? I mean it should be pretty straight forward. But turns out it’s not.
So before I go back out there again, I’m giving it some thought. I don’t want to think I know what I want. This time I want to know. So here’s my ramblings written down the other night.
I want a love that is true through all life brings. I want to know that no matter what comes, my partner and I will stand firm together against it. I want love that speaks truth, not one filled with empty words. If we are scared, than I want us to face that fear together. If we are worried or have doubts, I don’t want them hidden from one another. I want our space together to be a safe one. Where all feelings are valid.
I want eyes that only see each other. When others are in the room, it’s not that we ignore them, but our eyes are reserved for the other. I want to enter a room and feel him burning a hole through me with his loving, “how did I get so lucky” stare. And I want him to feel the same from me.
I want dirty messy love. Because that’s life. Life is dirty and messy. Therefore love should be able to be that too. I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking for real. Love that disagrees with one another but never leaves. Love that doesn’t always see eye to eye. But knows it’s true love still. Love that can see the worst in each other, but still only looks for the best. Love that stays even when I am ugly crying over something he thinks is silly. But He is still there to help me wipe the tears away. And he lets me do the same for him. A love that may not always understand the other. But wouldn’t want to do life with any other.
I want love that survives the busyness of life. That can feel burned out by all the details. The cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, work, kids, and all the other things life holds for us. But at the end of the day, still look at each other and say “I love you.” And kiss with a passion that forgets all the day held just moments ago. A love that burns daily, even if it’s just a small flame after the busy day. A love that never goes to sleep without acknowledging itself first.
I want a love that can stand the test of time. A love that can be there as strong on the last day, as it was on the first day. I know enough to know that love is a choice. And I want a love that chooses one another each and every time. Even when it’s hard.
I want a love that always tries its best. That gives 110% when it’s necessary. A love that is never phoned in, but always gives its all. A love that digs down deep when it feels like it has nothing left to give, and finds a way to give anyways. A love that doesn’t know the word quit.
I want a love that leaves me breathless but in the best possible ways. And in the times this love is making it hard to breathe due to pain, it still gives me a reason to fight for it. I want real, raw, passionate, never ending love. I promise to whoever brings this to me, you will get nothing less from me. I don’t promise perfection. I don’t promise I’ll get everything right. I don’t promise to make you happy everyday. I don’t promise to always have dinner on the table or kitchen cleaned. I don’t promise to always have the laundry folded and put away. I don’t promise to have my nails done, hair always in place. I don’t promise to have any fashion sense, always looking well put together. I’m not that woman. But I do promise to make you feel truly loved, cherished, and chosen everyday. No matter what.
I also choose to love God and myself with a genuine real love. A love that always says I choose you. No matter what or who comes into my life. And when someone comes along again, I hope and pray they love us both. With a genuine no matter what, I desire and choose you love. ❤️
What kind of love do I want???