You Don’t Have To Feel So Lonely…

E8B816D9-9396-4FAE-8FF6-54A7876997D6Why do I feel so alone… This is one of the most goggled phrases amongst people. I don’t know which bothers and saddens me most. That so many people feel alone and don’t know why. Or that they have no one else but Google to go to for the answer.
I get it, loneliness is real in this life. It can be felt laying in a bed alone. Or lying right next to someone. It can be felt at home alone on a Saturday night. Or in a room filled with people. It can be felt with tears rolling down our face. Or with laugher coming out of us so hard our belly hurts. Truth is loneliness can be easy to see, or hard to recognize. Even for ourselves. Some of us have gotten really good at covering up our loneliness by always being the life of the party, or never meeting a social invitation we didn’t say yes to. That’s been my story anyway. I learned early on in life how to mask pain. Maybe you did too. Then as adults we become so good at it, we actually might even start to believe we are okay. At least as long as we are in front of someone. Have you ever noticed that some of the best comedians are carrying around some of the worst pain? Humor is a great way to trick yourself and others into believing you are okay. But it can’t work forever. Eventually your audience leaves to go on to their own lives, and you are left standing there. That’s when that question hits. That’s when people ask “Why do I feel so alone?”
I am learning that my need to always make others laugh or happy was an attempt at making sure people loved me. And if they loved me, than they’d never leave, and I’d never have to deal with my true emptiness inside. An emptiness that has been with me since childhood. Truth is I’ve never felt worthy. Not for just being me anyway. Earning love is what I learned very early on. Being good enough to deserve attention. So getting attention I became very good at. But in time that haunting feeling of emptiness, loneliness, not being good enough, came back. Now I’m learning how to deal with it in a new way. I look and go to God.
I look to Him for why I feel so lonely. Why I feel so empty inside. Why I feel so unworthy. I look to Him not only to help me answer those questions, but to be the source that helps me overcome them as well. Instead of looking to another person, or a career, or success, to fill me up, I turn to God. I had to finally accept that God is enough to help me overcome all these feelings. All the emotions I have been fighting all my life. Truth is the ways I’ve tried have completely failed. I’ve tried relationships, humor, busyness, always being there for others to earn love, illusion of having it all together, denial of the problem, and none of that worked. After a complete crashing of my life these past two years, I had to dig deep and come to terms with my real issues. My need for love, acceptance, belonging, being made to feel worthy, was too big for any human to handle. No one could give me what I needed most, at least not long term. Only God could do that for me. So I had to get real with myself. Really look at all my “shortcomings” face to face, and then go to God asking, begging, for help. It’s been a struggle. Old habits do indeed die hard. But with each passing day, as I stay determined to read Gods word, pray, listen to God, and give Him and me time, healing is happening. No one can make you feel more loved, welcome, wanted, worthy, than your creator can. He created you to love you, because He wanted you, and He welcomes you to His table everyday. Not to mention He sacrificed His Son to prove to you that you are worthy of it all. His love is the greatest thing I’ve ever allowed myself to truly come to know. It’s hard yes. Loneliness, physical loneliness, is real. But emotional loneliness is one of the hardest things to fix. Meeting someone someday can fix physical loneliness, that desire to do life with a partner. But my emotional state had to be dealt with first. So this hot mess can be less messy when he comes along.
How about you? Do you struggle with feelings of loneliness? Are you standing behind someone or something to hide it? Not only from others, but yourself too? Are you feeling so alone that you’ve thought of googling ways not to feel so lonely? I mean it’s a number one search for a reason. So you’re not alone in that. Please stop fighting so hard. Go to God today with all you are feeling. He knows you better than anyone. Call out to Him. Then listen with an expectant heart and mind. Read His word. Reach out to trusted people in your life who can see through your masks. Who can call you out when needed. Be prepared for an emotional battle. Looking deep down into ourselves and admitting our faults can be very difficult to do. Great news is, you don’t have to do it alone. God is waiting to fill any and every void you have. ❤️

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