Moving On After Our Happily Ever After Falls Apart…

65B0BB46-8834-4FB5-A4E0-93BA6CE67C9B.jpegHappily ever after. We know this ending right? It’s how everyone from all the stories we’ve ever listened to lived. And it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? As a child we are made to believe that happily ever after only has one ending, riding off into the sunset with the prince or princess by our side. I often wondered what happened down the road. 😜 Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for love. I’m what most would call a “hopeless romantic. However, as a 42 never married woman, I’m stuck at having to reevaluate what happily ever after really means. Maybe you are too. Maybe it’s not that you haven’t been married before, maybe a divorce has left you to rethink, maybe a death of a spouse. Or maybe for you it’s a loss of a job, or a child. What is gone is personal to you, but the story we all share together. How can we rewrite our happily ever after, when the way we planned it out goes away. This is a very personal topic to me. As I’m almost in tears writing it. So please know that anything I write, I mean whole heartedly. And I also understand just how difficult faith can be in moments like this. I’m not coming to you as someone who has it all together yet, but as someone who is desperately trying to move on the best way I know how, with God.
First things first, very quickly. The human thought that can come to us when life goes wrong is, “Where was God?” Or, “If God Loves me than why?” I deal with these myself. So please don’t beat up on yourself or allow others to because you have a legit human emotion. John 16:33 tells us, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Satan wants us to think that bad equals God not loving us. When in reality how He gets us through the unimaginable is a picture perfect portrait of His love for us. Cling to that love friend. (Isaiah 41:10) Just wanted to cover that quickly first.
This is where I wish I could tell you the big secret to moving on, to rebuilding. The full proof way to get your heart back again. The 90 second way to a better, happier, healthier you. Trust me if I could do that I’d be shooting a commercial for it right now. Truth is it takes time. How much time depends on the individual. For me it’s been two years since my engagement fell apart in a very sad difficult way. I’m still filled with a lot of tangled up emotions. However I do have the only answer I’ve needed, that’s growing in my relationship with God. Daily growing and learning. Please do not take this to mean I don’t still get angry or any other emotion that comes with loss. In fact just last night I was yelling at God that this wasn’t what my life was suppose to be. Being upset does not equal not growing in God. God wants all our emotions. That’s the only way He can help us heal them. He can’t fix what we refuse to lay before Him. The night ended with me in tears falling asleep exhausted from the fight of rebuilding my life. This morning I woke up to writing this blog.
Ever heard of Ruth? Most people have if they have spent any amount of time as a Christ follower. Ruth was a woman who lost her husband and chose to go with her Mother In Law rather than going back to her family which was the custom. Now most who read the book of Ruth (I suggest it it’s a very short book) get how to find their Boaz out of it. Their husband or partner in life. (Yes sorry men it’s a book meant for women mostly.) Naturally when I read it that’s what I expected to get out of it. And it’s in there, how trusting and waiting on God gets her to Boaz. I however got the message of trusting God in the in-between for a full life, where all my needs are met. You see Ruth went out to glean fields, picking up what was left behind from farmers tending the fields. God made a way that she always had enough to be satisfied. And just so it’s clear, she found her Boaz in that field. The field where all her needs were met. That however came after she trusted and worked at her own life.
You see so many of us (myself included) believe at times that our life doesn’t start until the happily ever after appears on the screen of our life. There’s a story, a full story, that happens before that. We hold the power to make it a happy one or not. Sure things happen, but we can choose to give it all we’ve got to make our story a great one! Then what we can’t handle, we hand over to God. I now say to myself after reading Ruth, “Stay in your field Christa, God is providing all you need.” Read the book and you’ll get that a lot better. Again it’s a very short read, but packed with Gods promise of provision. To me that’s how we rebuild and rewrite our story after great loss. It’s trusting that no matter how bare our field looks, God is providing in it. And that one day He will move us to the field that holds our future.
I wish I could tell you what your field holds. Heck I don’t know what mine holds. That is a very scary thing, I know. My happily ever after may not hold a Boaz. Yours may not hold what you want most either. It will however hold more than we could ever imagine for ourselves. If we allow God to be the leader, not ourselves, not others, and not our emotions. The only way I know to get there is to grow daily with God. To be honest with Him, get to know Him better through His word. I read 10 minutes in the morning. It’s not something you have to spend hours doing. You do have to want to do it, and then carve out a little time in your day for it. Not sure where to start, I’d say in The Gospels. (Matthew-John.) Also pray a lot. Not well scripted prayers, but prayers from your tired, beaten down, tattered heart. In time I promise you that heart of yours will begins to heal. Remember though that full healing takes time. Please don’t give up. Don’t let the enemy tell you that you should be over it by now or anything like that. It’s your heart not his. Only you and God know just what it will take and how long before it’s ready to face the world again. Meanwhile trust that God is giving you all you need to live life as it stands. Your field is covered by God. As always I’m praying for you.

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