You Are Worthy…

8EB57F9C-8EE3-4418-9734-BB5BF2F522DA.jpegI read something the other day written by Lysa Terkeurst that said “God chose you special to be that child’s parent because He knew you had exactly what that child needed to be it’s parent.” It was a message to tired parents who felt like they were failing. And though I can sympathize, messages like these are disheartening and hurtful to the childless. I’m not denying the validity of the statement at all. I’m simply saying, what about the rest of us? And then there’s the “God gave me you” statements from married couples. That they were given someone special to do life with. Us single people however, well we get to do all we go through “alone.” We don’t get that blessing.
It’s not that we believe our friends or family don’t deserve all that they have been blessed with, it’s just what’s on the flip side of that that can be very confusing. If they have it cause they deserve it, have qualities that God sees in them, than what does that say about me. If you polled anyone after a certain age who desires to be married, or desires to have kids, but it hasn’t happened, I’m sure most of them would say the same thing. I feel unworthy, unchosen, like I’m a disappointment to God and that’s why I haven’t been blessed with a partner to do life with, or a child with the one I love. For me at the age of 42, it’s both. And I can tell ya I have have a lot of “why not me” moments. I’m getting better at taking them straight to God, but they can still hurt.
I don’t pretend to be a Bible scholar, knowing the ins and outs of Gods word. I don’t pretend to have any or all answers. All I have to offer is my story and how God is molding me day by day for His great purpose. Whatever that might be. And all I know is I would give anything for one of those purposes to be a wife and mother. At 42 to my human eye that dream his slipping further and further away. Each day I have to make a decision on how to continue to face the unrealized dreams I carry with me. It comes down to making a decision. Not an easy one, but one I must make if I want to live my best life. No matter what God’s will choses for that to look like.
The other day I was reading in Deuteronomy right before God delivered the Israelites to their promised land. Now Moses knew (He was told in the book of Numbers) that He would never cross the bridge over to that land. Why, I won’t get into. The point we will focus on here is that Moses devoted his entire life to God knowing he would never cross that
Bridge. After finishing Deuteronomy I had a moment with God about my own bridge. My bridge being married with a family. I told God that day, no matter if You take me over that bridge, I want to choose to follow you daily. I will need help with that God, but I know You are always with me. It’s the moment we all as believers need to get to, total surrender.
How you get there I don’t know. It’s a very personal decision to let go of your perceived control. And even after you choose to let go, there will be times you will take it back. It’s a daily decision, sometimes a minute to minute decision. If you are dealing with feeling unchosen because you are unmarried, or not a parent, my heart goes out to you. I know how difficult and hurtful it is. Living your best life might feel impossible to you. This is where I have to lean into God. Where I have to take Him all my pain. Where I have to be totally honest with how I’m feeling. Then when I’m done crying, kicking, and or screaming, I collapse into the arms of my God. It’s there where I lay down my fight. It’s there where I surrender. It’s there I realize (again) that I am not God. It’s there where I say Jeremiah 29:11 over and over to myself. This is where you need to do the same.
God has a way of restoring what is lost. For me it’s lost time. I’m having to learn how to trust that God, if He so choses, will restore that in a way only He can. Giving me what I desire, a husband and children. And if He doesn’t, that He has greater plans specifically to the abilities He chose just for me. And though our hearts may always want what they want. That doesn’t mean we can’t love the life our Heavenly Father gives us through all His love for us.
I’ll be praying for you. That you can release all you need to. That you can believe Gods Jeremiah 29:11 plans for your life. Even if in this moment like me you have no idea what they are. That you can shut the enemy down and know that you are loved, capable, chosen, and worthy.

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