When Life Throws Us A Detour…

FB857F17-013D-4394-A73A-022E9CE33BC4When I was just a girl I thought I had it all figured out. I’d have a job doing something I loved (what yet I hadn’t decided), be married, have 2 children, one boy and one girl. To say things did not go according to plan is the definition of an understatement. However I’m becoming fully aware that God is not done with me yet.
Maybe you thought you had life all figured out. Then something happened and you found yourself on the opposite side of your plan. Standing there hands held up in the air wondering, “WHY?!” This road though different for us all, is familiar to us all too. Wondering how to even begin to get back near the road we were on or thought we were at least getting closer to. It’s a terrifying feeling.
I was close to getting everything I planned. And though it wasn’t the exact way I had wanted it, I was happy to be receiving the blessing. I was 2 months away from marrying a man (right before I turned 40) who happened to have a boy and a girl already. Becoming a wife and a mother was the most important thing to me. I had my reasons just as I’m sure you have your reasons for what’s most important to you. All was coming together. And yet my life completely fell apart.
I was overtaken by an illness or sickness for almost 10 months. In the process my mind was overtaken too with fear and anxiety that was crippling. I became afraid of everything in those 10 months. It was a true battle for my life. Not just to stay alive but to live again. It became too much for my fiancé and he ended our engagement a few months into this process. (And no this is not where I’m looking for anyone to boo him.) There is always two sides to every story and he is entitled to his. The point here is this. After getting so close to the road I had always planned, I got picked up by a tornado of events and got dropped in a place that was super spooky and scary. It was dark, loud with fear and doubt, it was overwhelming to my senses in every way. I had no idea where to go or what to do next. Maybe you can relate today.
That was two years ago for me and I’ve healed a lot, grown a lot, and learned a lot. I have seen what it means to be restored by God. To be healed by His forgiveness and grace. To stop asking (though this took a while) the question of why, and replaced it with, now what? I’m going to discuss a couple of ways I’ve been able to get back on track with the help of God. It’s my hope and prayer it can help someone else.
First of all I want to say a quick word to those feeling lost today. Even if you are unsure of where you are, how you got there, and how to get back, God knows. We are always found by God no matter where we are. Therefore we can never truly be lost. Take comfort today in the fact that God knows just where you are and where you are going. You my friend are not lost.
That being said, I know how difficult it is to trust in that. Especially in the beginning of our journey. Okay, first thing I want to share with you is grieving. DO NOT rush this process! Do not let anyone tell you when or how you should be over whatever it is you are grieving. It’s a very personal process that is different for everyone. I myself had to learn how to not hate myself for crying so much. It showed weakness in my eyes and I was determined to prove just how strong I was after all I went through. Yes I was trying to prove to myself and others that I was not weak. But there is strength in crying, in being vulnerable to our pain. Allowing ourselves and others to see that we are struggling takes an enormous amount of strength. However grieving is a process just for you. So do it fully. There is no way to move forward until you have completely grieved what’s lost, otherwise that pain will hinder your growth. (Side note: some grief stays, I fully understand that, I do however believe there comes a time when pain can become a back burner part of our lives, and not front and center.) So first thing I did to move on was cry. I yelled. I yelled at God. I yelled at myself. And then I decided to surrender it all to God.
That’s the second thing.
Surrendering, handing over what is hurting you is the next thing to do after fully grieving it. There is unbelievable freedom waiting for you there. For me regret and guilt over my past was crippling me. That and a shattered heart, life, and body. I had a lot to surrender. If you had seen me during my 10 month battle and could see me now you’d fully understand just how right I am here. I was healed in the act of letting go. Trusting in God to restore my body again, to heal and restore my unrecognizable heart, and in the process restore my life. So, if you feel you have fully grieved your loss, maybe it’s finally time to hand it all up to God. Just put your hands up to Him while they are open and say, “Here it all is God. It’s yours.”
Once I surrendered my mess I was able to focus more on Who God is, the power of the cross in my life, and in who God is creating me to be. This is why it’s so important to surrender first, I couldn’t become who I’m meant to be, still holding on to who I thought I would be. Not that the two can’t coexist, but God has an order in which He wants to do things in our lives. I am now willing to do things His way and in His timing. Can you truly say that? Thy will be done. If you can’t yet don’t be hard on yourself. Complete and total surrender takes time and is also a daily choice. At least for me. I have to pray daily to not want what is not planned for me. So how do we get there?
You know what I’m going to say. Read Gods word. If you don’t know where to start, begin in the New Testament. Spend time in getting to know Jesus and the sacrifice He and God made for you. Let that love surround you and permeate your hurting heart. Talk to God daily. Ask Him what He wants to say to you through His word. Pray yes, but also just simply talk. Not all conversations have to be official and formal. The more you allow God to become a part of your life, the more He will be a part of your life. I know that sounds obvious but it wasn’t to me. I thought God would just magically be in my life, after all He’s God. But I had to allow Him in and want Him there first. Now I talk to God all the time. In fact He might be tired of me by now. 😜 Find others in your life who will point you to God at all times. This is very important, don’t underestimate this. Who we spend our time with plays a huge roll in how we move forward. Also, get passionate about something. It doesn’t have to be anything big just something you can put your energy towards. The less it has to do with just you the better. Sure it can benefit you, just make sure it’s benefiting others too. For me it became writing. Sharing my story in hopes of helping others. Sharing my growth and journey to my best life.
So these are the major things I did to get back after a large detour in my life. To allow God to finally place me on the road He wanted me on. I could have just as easily fought for things to be my way again. Looking for a husband, children, again. However I didn’t want to go back to business as usual. You can’t heal in the environment that made you sick. And I wouldn’t heal while trying to once again do things my way. So now I leave my love life up to God. I leave me becoming a mother or not up to God. I now focus on who He is creating me to be. A woman who loves Him above all else and will never stop shouting the healing that brings!
I know I have no clue what brings you to this blog today. Why you’re searching or what you are searching for. I do know however that even what seems like the worst of circumstances can be made better by God. It’s my hope and prayer that you can feel my sincerity through this screen. That I want you to be able to move past this pain and into what seems impossible to you right now, your best life. It’s one day at a time but you can get there. Want to know more leave a comment or message me. I’d be happy to share more with you on how I’m moving forward and you can too. Also if you have ways of moving forward that worked for you please share. I’m always growing in my journey and you never know who it might help.
I want to leave you with my life verse it’s Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Your future is waiting for you! 💕

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