“But I don’t feel like a Godly person. I have made so many mistakes. I don’t think or know if God loves me because of my mistakes. I don’t feel worthy of love or believe anyone loves me. I have all theses desires I want to come true, but I don’t think I deserve them after all I’ve done.”
These are just some of the words I hear others say when I talk with them. And words I have said about and to myself. These words are so full of condemnation, they bring death not life. Death to our dreams. Death to our hearts. Death to our spirit. They are just life ending sentiments. It breaks my heart to know anyone is feeling this way. That I use to feel this way. Knowing now as I am healing with God that it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to speak death over ourselves. We don’t have to feel condemned. That’s what Satan wants for us. Not God.
Proverbs 18:21. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
I also love the Good News translation. “What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.” Which do you love to speak to yourself? Life or death. You think no one would love talking death to themselves. However some of us do it all the time. I know I did. I would surround myself with negative thoughts and words. Words like “As soon as I get what I want something bad will happen. Or That will never happen for me. No good comes my way.” Words that condemned me to a very sad hard life.
I know why I did this. Life had shown me some very difficult things. But I chose to stay in my victim mindset. I chose to give power to the enemy by only seeing the bad, and believing in bad. Maybe that’s you too. Maybe you do it and don’t even notice it. I didn’t notice how often I did this until I began to heal. Began the process of changing the words I spoke over myself. Just how difficult it was for me to genuinely speak life over my mind and heart. I was a slave to negative thinking and it had poisoned my mind, heart, and body.
I had to make a choice. You have to make a choice too in order for life to change. We can’t keep doing things the same way and expecting a different result. That’s insanity at its best. But how? How is this done? Well here is how I began to heal from years upon years of negative self talk.
First, I had to see it for what it really was. A choice. A choice I made daily to live in a negative state of mind. Even as a devoted follower of Christ, I was a slave to the enemy. He had done such a great job of setting up home in my mind, I didn’t even know he was there. I was unaware of just how much space he was taking up, until almost every corner was his. I was not focusing my mind of God, how powerful He is, how gracious He longed to be to me, how forgiving He was towards me. No, I was focused on only the hard times in my life, my poor choices I had made, the hurt, the fear, the doubt, all the negative stuff I had accumulated throughout the years. I was not thinking as a child of God, but as an enemy of His. I had to see that mindset as what it is, a trap of Satan’s. One I had willingly participated in until it became my first, not just second nature. That’s where healing starts, acknowledging fully what is broken. Our minds.
Second, I had to decide to empty my mind of all negative talk and thoughts. I had to trade in my tongue of death for one of life. That’s not as easy as it just sounded. I had to really want this in order to make it happen. Years upon years of thoughts and habits needed to be broken. I had to undo the way I had allowed my brain to be trained to process and think. I only did this through a lot of crying out to God. By talking to another person about how I truly saw myself. Raw, this is me honesty is needed here, or it won’t be lasting results. I had to be honest with myself about how I saw myself. It was exhausting work, but I would do it all over again for the restoration it brought me. This step is vital. You must get rid of all that negative thinking, purge your brain and heart fully. No holding back here in fear!
Third, after truly being honest with myself and getting rid of all that negative thinking, I had to quickly refill my brain. (In fact step 2 and 3 should be done in unison I just wanted to speak on them separate.) Matthew 12:43-44, “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.” As we clean our minds of negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, we must immediately replace them with positive words. We must be in Gods presence through His word. If not the enemy will just come back and make himself at home all over again. Word of caution here, we can be tempted to get a little healing and then think we can handle it from there. That’s been my case in the past so I know just how untrue this is. We must decide daily for the rest of our lives to do life with God. Positive thinking goes away a lot easier and quicker than negative thinking does.
Fourth thing I had to do was start living out this new way of thinking. I had to accept and receive the peace it brought, not fight it. I had to decide daily to live free. Sounds like an easy thing to do, right? It’s not always. Years of training to live under the weight of negative thoughts had to be given up here. It’s not easy at first. We have to fight the draw of the familiar here. Dare to hope for better after years of expecting the worst. This again is where staying in Gods word and in prayer with Him is so super important here. When an old habit tries to creep back in we can stop and pray, “God I believe in your promises for me but right now I need help getting past my bad habit of worry and doubt. Holy Spirit please surround me with positive feelings and thoughts towards myself right now.” Have a scripture or scriptures you go to when this happens. Mine is Jeremiah 29:11. Be ready to battle! Be ready to win!
I want you to know that I have been on a 2 year journey of healing the damage my thoughts did. I have gone through the motions of pretending I had it all together. And then I decided to get it together. To finally admit I was a big part of my problem. Yes others had hurt me in very bad unfair ways. However, I had the power to either live as a victim or in victory. No one but me was making the choice to how I would do life. That’s a difficult place to get to sometimes, admitting you are a part of your problem. But here’s the exciting part, once you do, you also become a part of your solution. That is where we find our power, that is how we take back control from the enemy! God is waiting today to help you do just that. I won’t try and sell you a quick fix, there isn’t one. I will promise you this though, if you take the time, and do the work with God needed, you will heal! You will take back your life. You will win the battle for your mind and for your best life! There is no better feeling than that!