I haven’t blogged in a while. I really don’t like to force it. I’ve said this before in here but I truly mean it. The words I share I like to be from God. Not me. I went on a beach vacation last week with family and had a lot of good time to reflect. I love having that time. Especially on the beach.
I looked down at my left hand one night and rubbed my ring finger. I thought of the brief time it wore this beautiful ring. This brief time where I was in the club. You know the engaged club. The about to be married club. The you’ve finally made it club. Now it sits bare again. It sometimes looks at me with this disappointed look. As to say, “You couldn’t keep this one either. What’s wrong with you?” Self doubt is a beast. It doesn’t care where you’re at or how great your day is going up until then, it is always ready to rear it’s ugly head. To scream the loudest screams of insecurities anyone has ever heard. It tears down any good we have managed to build back up after a loss or stormy season.
I don’t care who you are, what you do for a living, how much education you have, how much you make, how you look, we all have this in common. This internal monster that is always ready to pounce. Whether it screams at us our past mistakes, failed relationships, what others have done to us, or how we aren’t like our sibling or best friend because they have it “all.” No matter what your monster screams at you, it’s doing the same to you as mine does to me, it’s keeping you in an existence of self doubt. And none of us can move forward successfully while chained to thoughts of not being good enough, worthy of better. We have to learn to break free of the feelings of having nothing good to offer. We must replace them with truth. That we were created for a purpose that only we can do. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Notice it doesn’t say for married people to do, for college educated people to do, for those who have never been addicted to anything to do. No, it says us. Which last time I checked, us was an all inclusive word. So therefore it means you have good works that you were created to do. That’s the only thing you need to know, that God Himself believes you can do amazing things for Him.
This was not an easy thing for me to accept. And sometimes, like last week, my monster loves to make me feel not good enough. Like I don’t fit in, or have a place in this world. It’s hard for me as a single woman to feel as if I have worth. So many times as women we are told our worth comes in having the “perfect” marriage, raising up “perfect” children all while wearing a “perfect” smile. Well not only do I not have a husband or children, my teeth are crooked too. I can feel very inept at times. Maybe you’re reading this right now and can agree that you do too. Maybe all the time still or maybe from time to time it hits you. I know I have no idea what your story is, who you are. However I do know the God who created you very well. And He doesn’t create junk. Yes living in a fallen world can create junk in us, that however is not of God. It’s of sin and the free will God gave us. Unfortunately we as people use our free will in a way, usually from a place of pain, to hurt others. God Himself only creates things for good. Yes maybe in tough Love sometimes He must deal with us, but it’s always for good. The Ephesians verse you just read above tells you that. If God meant for you to be created for any other kind of works, the Bible would clearly state it. But it doesn’t.
So how to get there? To a place of believing you are capable of important works. Of doing things that even you don’t know about yet. Truth is as humans self doubt will always be something that can come up at anytime. It’s not about never feeling it again, I don’t think that’s entirely possible. I never want to set someone up for failure by leaving them with a bad feeling because they still have or experience certain feelings. I do however want to leave you with the attitude of “I can conquer any emotion”. I have only been able to do this in the last year or so. The enemy had me so bogged down with unworthy thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t imagine any good coming out of my life. Now here I am building a ministry to help others, and I have an exciting announcement at the end! But back to you. I want you to know in this moment that you are included in the good works club. No matter how excluded you might feel in this moment. No matter how many times you got picked last for school PE teams, or how many times you haven’t been picked at all in life. You still are included in Gods team! You have a place you belong simply for being you.
You have to be able to believe this though, that you have worth. That you have amazing abilities, even if you haven’t tapped into them yet. Believe that it’s never too late, you are never too far gone to be accepted, loved, forgiven, and used by God. The only way to do this is to spend time in Gods presence daily. To have Him so woven into your daily thoughts that He becomes s part of all you think, say, and do. Yes read His words! There is so much encouragement for your future in there. Words to tell you how truly loved you are. Words of the worth you carry. Jeremiah 29:11, if you don’t know it by heart, go look it up after you’re done here. Then carry that along with Ephesians 2:10 from earlier around with you daily. Write them down if you have to do so you can read them until they become a part of your permanent mindset. Pray daily for wisdom to know what those good works and plans for you are. For eyes to see yourself as God sees you, His masterpiece. (Again Ephesians 2:10) The biggest thing here is to allow God, your relationship with Him, to become the biggest thing in your life. Yes this takes time. Yes this is a daily decision. I promise you though that in time it will become natural. You will become so addicted to the peace this brings, that you won’t want anything else for you or your life. Then when that self doubting monster comes out again, you are better prepared to defeat it. You along with you now Christ filled strength are more than prepared to take it head on! I want that for you more than you can imagine. Simply because I believe you deserve it. Why? Because God says so. He said so when He sent His son to die for you and all your imperfections and sins. It’s my hope and prayer that you live daily in that truth.
Now to my exciting announcement! I am writing my first book! Well it’s written, I’m in the process now of doing all the other stuff required to have it published. It’s a children’s book on knowing their worth and identify through God early in life. I am so super excited to have this opportunity. It’s my prayer that it gets into the hands of little ones everywhere and that they can feel loved and worthy from the beginning of their life. I want to remind you that just a year to a year and a half ago, I was still wrapped up in self doubt, self worth issues. If I can get through my chains, you can too! We might not have the same story, but we do serve and are loved by the same God. There is potential in you that will blow your mind! I hope and pray that you will truly feel and believe that today and everyday.