It wasn’t suppose to be this way.. It wasn’t suppose to be this way… It wasn’t suppose to be this way… This seems to have been my mantra most of my life. A lot of things I imagined my life would be hasn’t come to pass. To make matters worse it seems so many get everything so easily. Life works out for them. And yes in my humanness at times it can make me angry. (This is a side effect of accepting social media as true life.) I have to fight anger, bitterness, and jealousy. Sometimes I have to put my phone down, or turn my computer off, and walk away. My life that seems to have been filled with so much strife, becomes even harder to deal with through the lens of, “everyone else’s life is perfect.”
I remember one day years ago while out for a walk, I was going up this steep hill. My legs were burning. My lungs were burning. I’m not exactly the exercise type. I came across this woman who seemed to be enjoying a leisurely walk down hill and passed me with ease. I remember thinking, “oh that must be nice.” Then it hit me, she’s either going back the way she came, which means she’s already battled her up hill. Or she’s gotta come back and will later battle her up hill. It’s not about wanting others to suffer. It’s about acknowledging that we don’t see everything about another’s life. When I start to feel cheated in life, I think often of that day and how it changed my perspective.
Yes some of us have things happen that others never seem to have to endure. However, that doesn’t mean they aren’t fighting their own up hill battle. So, why is it so bad for us to live in this state of comparison? This it wasn’t suppose to be this way, look at them it’s not that way for them, state of mind?
First, comparing can be the thief of all joy. When done incorrectly, looking to others lives to measure our own up to, it can steal all the joy out of us. The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. One way he does this is by taking full advantage of our human weakness in looking into others lives. He may not be the one making us look, sometimes it’s our weak human flesh, he does take full advantage of it. “Look at her, she’s got all you want. He’s so much more successful than you. Doesn’t that make you angry?” These words that can fill our heads and then make their way into our hearts. This is a great way for Satan to separate us from God. After all if God loved us, we’d have it all too! This is one of the hardest things to wrap our heads around as a believer. Satan knows that and takes full advantage. Only if we let him.
Second, this idea of our life is suppose to be a certain way gets in the way of how it’s meant to turn out. I’ll be honest here, this is a tough one for me personally. For different reasons I struggle at times with this. Is my life fully planned out or does my free will and choices determine my life? Though I’m no Bible scholar by any means, I have my own belief here. God is all knowing. He knows how my life is going to go. As well as His plans for it at the time of my being formed in my mother’s womb. Free will however plays a role as well. I can certainly do things my way always and never connect with Gods will. I can be connected with God from an early age and seek His will my entire life, allowing it to fully come to pass. Most of us though, I believe, live in the middle ground. Where we go off on our own, make mistakes, and then return to God. It’s then we can surrender our mess or messes to God, allowing Him to use them according to His will. If we stay in a bitter mindset of this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, or this isn’t fair, getting to the place where God uses or mess is almost impossible. All of our choices have consequences, this is something as hard as it can be to accept, we must in order to stop always blaming God. Until we can stop laying all blame on God we can never trust Him to do good in our life.
Third it’s just not True. As I stated above, we don’t see everyones entire walk, entire life journey. Truthfully unless someone is brave enough to blast them on social media, we will probably never know. We live in a world now where we have “friends” we know very little about. It’s not that we need to know others hardships to be able to be thankful for our life, it’s simply remembering we don’t always know them that helps. Accepting that no ones life is perfect, not yours, and not theirs. It’s not about comparing, it’s about understanding we all face our own trials. We all deal with things that makes us say, “It wasn’t suppose to be this way.” That one thing can allow us to not feel, or stop feeling, as if God is picking on us.
Yes your hurts are your own. I’m not attempting to take anything from you. I’m hoping that anyone reading this will know they are not alone. They are not the only one who looks at Facebook or Instagram sometimes and feels less than. Cries or gets angry over what seems to be another’s perfect life. As a woman who has endured her own life shattering, life altering events. Who has wanted to be a wife and mother since the age of 15, but still isn’t at the age of 42. As a woman who had that dream ripped from her 3 years ago through a series of very unfortunate events. I get it! I deal with it! I also have decided to stop looking at how my life hasn’t turned out, and focus on how it is. Stop telling God how my life should go, or should have gone, and allow Him to have full control for the rest of my days. No it doesn’t change what I’ve never had, or past hurts I’ve endured. It does change how I view the possibilities my future can hold. If you can get to a place where you stop comparing, and start surrendering, that’s where I fully believe your best life can begin to happen.