What does it look like to really heal?
This is a question that means a lot to me. Having been on a healing journey of my own for some years now, I can tell you it’s not a simple answer.
One thing I like to make very clear upfront is that healing is not about forgetting. It’s not about never feeling the twinge of pain or loss again. That’s too tall of an order. However it is about being able to keep going, eventually getting to a familiar place again. A place you were before the loss that shook you to your core. Here’s an example.
Right now as I write this is I am listening to country music. Doesn’t seem like such a big deal right? What you don’t know is that I’ve had a very hard time listening to any music other than worship music for about 5 years now. Especially any song that had to do with love between a couple. After my engagement ended 5 years ago, I never thought I’d be open to love again. It’s taken a lot of work on my end, a lot of time with God, a lot of time with a life coach, and more. Now 5 years later I can listen to music I haven’t been able to in years without crying. Without feeling a pain so deep in my heart I believe I can’t breathe. May seem little, but in reality it’s huge.
Ever watch the movie, “What About Bob”? If you haven’t I highly suggest it. Very funny. There is a part in the movie that I still quote to this day. The character of Bob, played by Bill Murray, is attempting to overcome his fear by getting on a bus. As he is walking towards it he repeats, “Baby steps on the bus”. That still resonates with me to this day. It’s not about one big step towards healing, it’s all about baby steps!
It’s taken me 5 years to be able to listen to county music without being angry, bitter, and sad. If that doesn’t scream baby steps, I don’t know what does! It’s okay to take your time when healing. That’s really all I want you to know right now.
If you find yourself believing you should be over something by now, or someone else says that to you, know that’s not a true statement. You should be exactly where you are in your grieving process right now. If you’ve been denying you need healing, then right now your emotions are as raw as they will ever be. If you’ve been working on them for a while, then they have healed as much as they could up until this point. Moving forward healing will happen as it should as well. The trick is to never give up. Give up on yourself. On your heart. On your future.
Another thing to remember is that healing is not a one size fits all thing. What helped someone you know heal, may not work for you. And that’s OKAY! Take the time to find how you heal best. It may be one of the things I mention, it may be none.
Below are some photos of my space. The Two Bibles are a part of my quiet time space. The plaque reminds me I can live a good life. And the book, “Anxious for Nothing, is a study guide I used to deal with my anxiety issues.
For me it comes down to time, space, grace, and love.
Time– Give yourself time to heal. No matter how long that timeline is. Healing is not a race. If rushed you could miss something that is hurting you more than you realize. Go deep here. Really take the time to look inside
Space– To heal means removing yourself form things, places, or people that hinder your healing and growth. But it’s also about finding a space that helps you heal and grow. People that come along side of you on your journey as well. For me that was a help group, life coach, church, bible studies, hours upon hours of worship music, and more.
Grace– This is huge! No matter what, do not be hard on yourself. There is no roadmap to healing. There is no one way. No GPS telling you when you can expect to “arrive”. Take it slow. And be soft on your heart and mind.
Love– Don’t forget love! Love yourself right where you are and it becomes easier to move forward.
What about you? Do you have any healing advice that could help someone else? I’d love to read it or them in the comments. You never know what might help me or someone else reading.
PS- I will still be writing part 2 of, “Is anxiety keeping you from God.” This you just read hit my heart so I sat down and wrote. When inspiration hits, I write. My hope is that it inspire someone else. 💕